


On The Side Of The Road

by Chechilia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feels, Hospitals, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 02:10:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10652772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chechilia/pseuds/Chechilia
Summary: On the side of the road, where the path takes an awful turn, there's a picture of a man.As every year since the accident, Arthur goes there to put flowers on the snow.And remembers.





	On The Side Of The Road

When Arthur is finally able to leave his office, he glances at his watch and lets out a sigh. As ever, he's barely on time.

It's been three years.

Three years and it's the third time, but like those before he's afraid to be late. He isn't, however, so he gets out of the building, lost in his own mind.

He doesn't look at his coworkers on the car park. He's the friendly kind, but today is not a day to smile.

Outside, the sky is white. Winter came a few days ago and the weather grew colder, but the worst isn't there yet. It barely started snowing, so he climbs in his car and starts the engine.

He drives slowly, oh so slowly, not because he is afraid but because he has to think.

Like every year since that day, he stops his car on the side of the road and gets out. Five minutes is all he needs : like every year since that day, he knows exactly what to buy.

The florist doesn't ask what kind, because he knows ; he doesn't ask what for, because he sees : the dark light in his eyes, the raw expression, the slight tremble of limbs. He knows his place.

Arthur gets out and climbs in his car again. He takes the road, slowly still, mind elsewhere.

It's been three years and he can't move on.

He stops the car in a parking and follows the road until he finds the place he's looking for : there where the road makes a sharp angle, a hard turn. He's shivering know, but not of cold. The warm coat he wears protects him from that. There are flowers in his hand, and he grips them as if afraid to let go : as if letting go would mean collapse on himself.

He can't afford that.

It's been three years, and he has to keep going.

That's why he gets on one knee and lies the flowers beside the picture already there. It's a portrait of a man with kind eyes and a soft smile. His own eyes burn and he knows he won't be able to contain the tears for long. Waves of guilt and echoes of abject fear warring inside him, he sits on the snow and remembers.

***

It was a night in December. He once again got out of his office all to late. He knew he had promised to be there on time, but he wasn't. Merlin was waiting for him at home, splayed on the couch in their flat, eyes angry, lips a thin line.

That's what started the argument ; the argument that ended with Merlin slamming the door behind him, car keys in his hand. It was late and it snowed a bit. Arthur stayed at home, waiting, angry still ; he knew that no matter how many times Merlin left after a fight, he would always come back to him.

So he waited, and waited, and waited still. He wasn't angry anymore, but worried ; he couldn't help but feel the dread settling inside him, as if he knew what could happen. What had already happened.

The phone call made him jump. When he recognized the number, he didn't wait to answer.

" Finally ! " he said, relief washing over him. " Where the hell are you ? "

And that's when he learned.

" I'm sorry, I..."

It wasn't Merlin's voice. Oh no, Arthur had thought. God, _please_ , no.

" I'm with the paramedics. Your boyfriend has been in a car accident. He's..."

Arthur felt his knees buckle under his weight. He barely heard what the man said next because of the blood pounding in his ears.

He was out of the building before the man could do so much as utter a word to explain himself.

***

There are tears streaming down Arthur's cheeks but he doesn't care : he doesn't feel them. It's cold and every pained breath he takes creates a cloud of smoke, white as the snow, white as the sky.

" I'm sorry " he says, and " it's my fault " and " we shouldn't have fought that night ".

***

Arthur arrived to the hospital just in time to see the paramedics get out of the ambulance. There was a rush of surgeons, but all he could see was the body covered with a white sheet.

He was himself as white as a sheet.

He couldn't move. His heart skipped a few beats. How could that have happened ? How could Merlin have _died_ ?

" No, no, no " he could barely whisper.

As if saying it would make everything different somehow.

But it wouldn't, he couldn't change a thing. Now Merlin was dead and it was on him, because he couldn't bloody look at his watch once in a while.

He felt like screaming, but all he managed was a heartwrenching sob. He fell on his knees.

" Sir ? Sir, are you alright ? Sir ? "

He barely recognized the voice as the one he had heard on the phone.

" Sir, you're having a panic attack. You need to breathe, come on, breathe with me, in, out, come on. "

He didn't listen.

" He is...it's my fault...he..."

His voice was horribly hoarse but the man seemed to recognize it, as a light of understanding shone in his eyes.

" You're the boyfriend. "

The paramedic's voice was quiet but Arthur heard it anyway. He couldn't see the face of the man talking because of the tears, he couldn't hear him because of the pounding of his heart inside his chest.

He was even too far gone to confirm what the man just said.

***

His hand pressing on the picture, he can't help but let out a whimper, a sound close to a sob, but not quite. As every year since that day, the guilt is suffocating.

" I'm sorry " he says again, and " it shouldn't have happened " and " if only ".

***

" Sir ! Come with me. We can't stay here, it's freezing, come on, let's get you inside. "

The paramedic led him in an empty waiting room and sat him on a plastic chair. Arthur doesn't remember how he managed to breathe again, but suddenly the man began talking and he managed to understand every word.

" His chest was pierced by a branch. A lung has been touched. He is in surgery right now, but he is stable. I swear, sir, I promise you they're doing everything they can to save him. The rest in on him, but you have to believe he can make it. "

The words took a while to register but when they did, Arthur just stared at the paramedic, mouth open in shock.

" He isn't...dead ? "

His voice was low, rough, broken. The man's eyes widened.

" Why would you..."

The paramedic drifted off and his eyes widened further, as if he couldn't believe...But suddenly there was understanding on his features.

" Oh my God, no. The man you saw under the sheet wasn't your boyfriend ! He isn't dead, I promise you he isn't. "

That's when Arthur felt like breathing again. Merlin wasn't dead. He wasn't dead.

There was hope.

***

Arthur looks up to the sky. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he thinks about Merlin, waiting for him at home.

" I promise I won't ever be late again " he says. And then " I love him " and " we're getting married " and " I'm sorry ".

***

" But who..."

Arthur couldn't quite ask the question. He found out he didn't want an answer. The man's eyes became soft, as if he understood. He began to explain what had happened.

" It was snowing, and the road was difficult. Your boyfriend was driving where the road takes that awful turn, you know ? But then there was another car coming fast, and it surprised him and he lost control of the vehicle. He got off the road and he hit a tree. That's when he got injured. "

Arthur could barely understand what was being said, but it was better than thinking about the man he loved, laying down on an operation table, chest open.

" But then who..."

The paramedic's face became grim.

" The other driver saw it happen and stopped the car. He was studying to become a surgeon, that's how he managed to provide the first care for your boyfriend. He called the paramedics and then started to tend your partner's injury. He was supposed to be fine, but he had heart issues. Having nearly been in a mortal accident was too stressful a situation for him, and instead of saving himself when he noticed the first signs of an attack, he stayed with your boyfriend to try to save him. When we arrived on site, it was already too late. He was dead. "

The man's eyes were kind.

" If not because of him, your boyfriend would have been dead by now. "

***

After a last touch on the portrait, Arthur gets up and says again, for the third and last time :

" I'm sorry. "

And then :

" You were too young. "

And finally :

" Thank you. "

**Author's Note:**

> It may show in the fic, but I started writing this story with Merlin dying in mind. However, it didn't fit with the words that inspired this : " I'm sorry " and "Thank you ". The story stayed pretty hard to write though.  
> That being said, I hope you enjoyed it !


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